


Attack on Levi: Non regrette

by JasonTheRipper



Series: A parody on Titans [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Antichrist!Levi, Black Humor, Clean freak!Levi, Dog/otherkin!Mike, Feminazi!Hanji, I'm an asshole, Multi, Pansexual!Erwin, Parody, Sane!Furlan, Satanist!Isabel, Triggers, asshole!erwin, crazy!Hanji, demon!Levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 09:43:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7972252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JasonTheRipper/pseuds/JasonTheRipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Made a parody to help boost my crappy writing skills.</p><p>Based on the No regrets game</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue

"Hehe~ Hey Levi, did you see me take out that thug!" Isabel shouted

  
  
"Yes, It was very good, Isabel." Levi lied to humor the young girl.  
  
  
He had more interest in the man Levi had pinned under his foot. It all began when Levi and his "worshipers" were walking the streets.  
  
  
Levi had accidentally bumped into the man, a shout of profanities escaped the man's lips. In this instance, he was called little; a trigger word that set the small man off into a unforgiving rage.  
  
  
Levi dug his heel deeper into the man's back until he heard a crack.  
  
  
"Oh, was that your spine? I believe that was your spine." Levi said with an emotionless tone.  
  
  
"You know, Levi. You can't just beat up everyone who calls you short, you aren't exactly the word police." Furlan stated.  
  
  
"Furlan, if I wanted a low life's opinion on my techniques, I would talk to the insects in the dirt before I ever seek advice from you." Levi glared at his friend.  
  
  
He looked back down at the man that gasped in pain.  
  
  
"Next time you want to insult a demon, I suggest you just don't. Consider your broken back a warning, next time it will be your neck."  
  
  
"Yeah, don't fuck with the demon gang!" Isabel shouted with enthusiasm.  
  
  
Unlike Isabel, Furlan didn't like to encourage Levi's strange belief of being a demon. He wasn't sure who put this idea into Levi's head, but it was getting tiring to hear Levi use his "true self" as a threat.

 

The gang used their 3DM gear and flew into the air as a crowd of on lookers watched in horror at what they had just seen; all but one, a blond man with a fine military uniform watched Levi cut through the air.

  
  
Levi looked down and met the man's gaze, a feeling of uneasiness washed over Levi as the blond soldier eyes pierced straight through him. And only one thought came to the blond's mind as he watched Levi in awe

  
_'I am going to fuck that.'_


	2. The Demon And The Soldier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of it came from Translations from the game.

Late at night, the underground district looked like a dark cellar lined with tombstones.

The holes in the ceiling that would let in the glaring midday sunlight during daytime are now closed.

  
Under these lights that looked like stars from the ground, the shadows of people flitted by; one, two, three of them.

 

In the dim light, these silhouettes danced like birds in the emptiness.

 

However, had the light from the crystals been brighter, one could have seen the wires extending to the ceiling from the their hips; it's by hanging from these wires that they flew.

 

This is the miracle known as the 3-Dimensional Maneuver Gear.

 

The 3DMG was a mechanism originally created to aid humanity in their fight against the titans, and only soldiers who had undergone intense training were allowed to have it.

 

Even so, the forms that soared through the dark underground district in no way resembled soldiers.

 

They were thugs from the underground; members of the gang that had recently been expanding their influence. Having obtained the 3DMG from somewhere, they had learned how to use it, to the point that their skill had surpassed even that of the Military Police; they were feared by other gangs because of this.

 

"Hey Guys, We've got company!" Furlan said with a concerning tone

 

About 50 meters behind them, there were a few other silhouettes using the 3DMG, just as they were.

  
"it's the Military Police again, don't they ever learn their lesson? Looks like we need to teach them again who rules the underground"

 

Isabel muttered those words dramatically. Immediately, with a completely different tone, she called out ahead.

 

"Hey, Levi, that line just now, it sounds cool, right? Right~ Levi?"

 

Levi looked back at Isabel with a bored look

 

"... No"

 

He looking back at their pursuers. He saw four people tailing them. Compared to the usual group of Military Police that would go after them, it was a much more small number this time around.

_'are the others hiding somewhere? waiting to attack us from another direction? Nah, they are too stupid to come up with a plan like that.'_

Levi gave another glace back and his eyes widened at the realization.

 

_'So, It's really them? Let's see how they stand up to a demon and his worshipers.'_

 

"Furlan, Isabel; Follow me!"

 

Levi pulled back the wire holding his weight to the ceiling entirely and aimed for the street spread out below, let himself fall.

 

Furlan and Isabel gave a nod and followed after him.

 

Once they had gone as far down as the buildings' eaves, they fired the wires' grappling hooks at the walls, descending a little lower to weaken the force of their fall.

 

The men walking on the street cried out with surprise as Levi's group came down overhead. Passing so low that they grazed the tops of the pedestrians' heads, they took off into the skies once more.

  
"You damn Runt! Get back here!"

  
One of the men called out and Levi took note of his appearance, thinking about what he would do with him after he dealt with his pursuers.

 

The main street was full of people, even late at night. Through the stall-cluttered downtown, the three of them swung close to the ground.

 

"Suck on my gas, Bitches! Yahhhoooooo"

 

Slipping among passers-by and signboards alike by a hair's breadth, Isabel yelled out merrily as she gave their pursuers the middle finger.

 

It wasn't only because the 3-Dimensional Maneuver Gear was valuable that regular people weren't allowed to use it; moving with it was an extremely dangerous activity.

 

Even for highly trained soldiers, the slightest mistake or slip-up can result in a terrible injury. It wasn't rare for them to even end up losing their lives.

 

However, Levi's group controlled the gear as if it were just a part of their own body, swinging through the street like a gale.

 

"Will you stop tormenting them, you are only going to make them more angry. It doesn't help that they are picking up speed and coming closer!" Furlan warned her.

 

"Oh C'mon, They aren't going to catch us. We are the greatest, and with a demon leading us we can't fail." Isabel shouted and Furlan looked at her with concern.

 

"You know Levi is lying when he says he is a demon right?"

  
Furlan despised the fact that Levi had gotten everyone in the underground to believe this myth. While it did benefit them to be a feared gang in the underground city; it bothered the young man that even Levi believed this too.  
Furlan didn't want to argue about Isabel's state of mind, he had more important things to be concerned about. Like the men that were slowly closing the gap between them.

 

The pursuing party also went after them through the area with the 3DMG. Levi's sharp eyes squinted even more than usual as he observed the men.

 

They already had the Military Police chase them many times before, but they had managed to successfully escape every time.

 

It's because they themselves were highly skilled. But, as much as they were proud of that fact, Levi knew this wasn't the only reason. Levi believed in his own luck, that his abilities and skills came from a higher being. Not only that, Levi knew that the Military Police were horrible at their jobs.

 

The duty of the Military Police is to protect the King, and maintain order in the Capital.

 

Capturing thugs in the underground district was not a very important job to them.

 

They would not bother going risking a dangerous chase for something like that.

 

But now, the people chasing them flew through the crowded streets without the slightest hesitation.

 

"They might not be the Military Police." Levi said.

 

"What do you mean, Levi?" Furlan asked.

 

"Doesn't it seem strange to you that the MP will go this far to catch us. They will usually give up by now." Levi told his gang.  
Furlan and Isabel gave a small glace to one another before looking back at Levi for orders.

 

Levi took some time to come up with a plan to discover if his theory was correct.

 

"Continue forward, I will swing around the pillars and get a better look." Levi said.

 

In the underground district, there were several giant pillars supporting the ceiling, built at the intersections where many roads meet and one of them is just up ahead.

 

"Let's do it!" Isabel smirked.

 

The scenery opened up right and left as they crossed an intersection.

 

In that moment, Levi confirmed the positions of both his pursuers and his comrades. Then, right before he reached the pillar, he twisted around and fired the grappling hook at it.

 

Using the anchor buried in the pillar, Levi forced his trajectory to bend, making a curve.

 

The resulting centrifugal force, changing his velocity, weighed down on his body.

 

If you think of it simply as using 3D maneuver to make a 180˚ turn at the pillar, it did not sound complicated. However, it demanded more skill than it looks.

 

If he circled around the pillar too fast, the grappling hook will get pulled out; if he was too slow, he would wind up falling to the ground.

 

The movement made him feel as heavy as lead, but Levi continued to balance himself, adjusting the wires' length with the gear controllers in his hands. He managed the 180˚ turn without a hitch.

 

Behind him, Isabel and Furlan cleared the turn just fine, too.

 

The three of them passed by their pursuers in the air and, for a moment, their gazes met.

 

In order to not get shaken off, their pursuers would also have to take a full turn at the pillar; it was quite risky, even for Levi's group, who had practiced a lot, it was not an easy feat to accomplish. However, surprisingly, without even the slightest hesitation, all of them anchored their wires to the pillar and executed a perfect turn.

 

Turning around the pillar, they maintained a precise distance between each other; it can be said that they did it even more splendidly than Levi's group.

 

"Whoa, they're good!" Isabel said with a impressed tone as she blurted out the words unconsciously, before suddenly looking down.

 

"Oops…" she added fast.

 

Levi looked as though he was about to reprimand her about admiring the enemy, but instead, he muttered.

 

"As expected from the Survey Corps." Levi smirked.

 

"The Survey Corps!? Are you sure?!” Furlan said nervously.

 

"When we passed by each other, I saw the crests on their backs. The Wings of Freedom. Yeah, It's them all right." he replied.  
'This could be interesting, might be going up against some shitholes with skills.'

 

The Survey Corps was a group of soldiers who, even now in this world that had grown accustomed to peace, continue to fight against the titans.

 

It's not strange for them to be able to perform such maneuvers.

 

"You two… You know what to do, right?"

 

Isabel and Furlan nodded at Levi's words and immediately skipped off to other roofs, each going off to a separate direction.

 

Following Levi's group, the Survey Corps soldiers made their move as well; two soldiers went off to run after Isabel and Furlan, leaving two other soldiers, one blond man and another taller one, to follow Levi.

 

It seemed like they deduced that he's the leader of his group as well.

 

"So then; Let's see what the famous Survey Corps are made of." Levi said under his breath.

 

Levi then got off the main road and swung himself into a narrow alley.

 

It was a path that could hardly be called a road.

 

A person could only barely walk through all the junk piled up on the ground, and dirty water dripped from the various sewage pipes sticking out of the walls. To add to that, the ropes holding up pieces of laundry that hang from the windows made it look difficult for even a small bird to fly straight through the alley.

 

It was a place that could rightly be called a nightmare for anyone using 3D maneuver. But even so, Levi moved swiftly, fired out the gripping hook, reeled it back in, curled himself up, kicked off the walls, slipped through the obstacles like an acrobat.

 

Had his timing been slightly off anywhere, he would probably end up getting tangled in the wires right away, unable to move. However, with his outstanding physical capacity as well as his small form, going through this alley was not impossible for him.

 

"What a shame, they were not as tough as I thought they would be…" his tone was smug.

 

Noticing only now that his pursuers were no longer visible behind him, Levi sighed at himself for getting too carried away.

 

He slowed down after he realized there was no point in dashing through the streets. Then suddenly, he heard a crashing noise overhead, and with it a human-like howl.

  
_'Is that a dog?'_

 

When he looked up, he saw the form of one of the soldiers; crashing through the planks set up as roofs for the alley, he dived down along with a storm of wood splinters. As red laced the cuts left by the sharp pieces flying everywhere around him, with the intent to attack Levi.

 

"?!"

 

_'I went in a bit too prideful. That's all it is, he wouldn't of been able to lay a finger on me if I didn't let my guard down.'_

 

He had let his guard down. Levi gritted his teeth in exasperation; to think that he had been that careless.

 

Levi had wanted to see how good the Survey Corps were with 3D maneuver; he was not expecting the soldier to take such a recklessly rough shortcut.

 

After predicting the soldier's trajectory, Levi used the walls to skid to a stop, forcing his speed to drop.

 

Then, even before he had stopped completely, he twisted his upper body around and fired the 3DMG's wires to the back, in the direction he came from.

 

The other soldier was probably still hiding up there; Levi planned to make a loop and strike them both from the back. However, the Survey Corps soldiers have already predicted that; or perhaps, this sneak attack itself had been a feint.

 

The second soldier attacked from the direction opposite to what Levi had thought; from below, he appeared out of the darkness.

 

"... Oh?... Shit..." he sighed out.

 

Even if he was skilled, the attack from below caught Levi off guard; in that one moment, he stopped moving.

 

The soldier, taking that fleeting opportunity, struck at the wires holding Levi up with the blades in his hands.

 

With what was literally his lifeline cut off, Levi found himself dropping out of the air; however, the soldier caught his arm before he fell.

 

The soldier restrained his arms and brought him to the ground, where the taller blond one stood and waited for them.

 

"Cuff him, Mike." The blond man said.

 

He pushed Levi forward into the grip of the taller soldier known as Mike. Mike nodded his head and proceed to handcuff Levi's wrists.

  
"Tch..."

 

Not long after, Isabel and Furlan, similarly bound, appeared with the other two soldiers.

 

"Damn it, You two had one job!" Levi shouted.

 

"Not like you are in any position to complain, Levi" Furlan responded unamused.

 

"Let go of him, do you not know who he is. Levi will rip out your souls and sent you to the fiery depths of hell!!" Isabel preached.

 

"Isabel, will you shut up, don't you get these people can kill us!" Furlan replied with a frustrated tone in his voice.

 

Having confirmed that they had caught all three gang members, the man who caught Levi, who seemed to be the soldiers' leader, spoke up once more.

 

"Finally caught the demon Levi? So tell me? How does it feel to be crushed by a bunch of humans" the blond soldier smirked.

 

"Oh come on!" Furlan interrupted.

  
"Where did you get these from?" The man was referring to the 3-Dimensional Maneuver Gear that Levi's group had in their possession.

 

"……"

 

Levi kept his mouth shut. He didn't look like he had any intention in answer the question. Even so, judging by the worn-out appearance of the gear, it seemed likely that they were well past their intended operational period, and were probably meant to be taken apart before the thugs got their hands on them.

 

The soldiers' leader continued.

 

"Your skill with the 3D Maneuver Gear was impressive. Who taught you that?"

 

"……."

 

None of the three answered. The lead soldier approached Levi.

 

"Have you ever trained as a soldier before?"

 

"……."

 

The lead soldier gave a slight nod to the taller soldier restraining Levi from behind. He grabbed Levi by the hair and, with much force, held his face down into a pool of stagnant sewer water on the ground. The man let out an animal-like growl and bared his teeth.

 

"Ugh…!"

 

 

"I'll ask you again demon. where did you learn how to use this gear?" The man asked again, this time his voice was more stern.

 

 

"Stick... your cock up your ass… you mother-fucking, worthless cock sucker." Levi growled out his answer before the soldier pushed his face back into puddle beneath him.

 

"Is that how you are going to be?" The soldier sounded amused.

 

Maybe the sight of Levi being tortured was a thrill for the blond in a way Levi didn't want to understand any further.

 

"We trained ourselves!" Isabel shouted.  
"Isabel, what the shit!?" Levi yelled out to her.

 

The leader looked at the girl who answered the question for him, then looked back down at Levi for a moment, as if appraising his options.

 

 

"I'm Erwin Smith, from the Survey Corps. And who might you be?"

 

"……."

 

The soldier behind Levi pressed his face into the puddle harder.

 

"For fuck sake... It's… Levi…. Fuckin' Levi!"

 

"well, fuckin' Levi,"

 

"Grrr.."

 

"will you make a deal with me?"

 

"A deal…? What kind of deal?"

 

"We won't charge you with any of the crimes you and your followers have committed. In return, lend us your demon strength and come join the Survey Corps."

 

What Erwin said was quite unexpected.

 

Under normal circumstances, it would have been impossible for a criminal like Levi to join the corps.

 

"and If I refuse…?"

 

Erwin clicked his fingers, the soldier that held Furlan withdraw their swords, placing the blade against his throat.

  
"Hang on, Why me?" Furlan panicked.

 

"Before we followed you, I took my time learning a lot about you guys. A lot of the women in the underground seemed very sure that you and Levi were "Butt Buddies"." Erwin stated as he used his fingers to gesture quotation marks.

  
Levi's eyes widen with anger.

  
"Oh yeah right, Like I will do that with him." Levi said.

 

"wait, What's wrong with m--" Furlan fell silent and closed his eyes.

 

 _'I almost fell for that.'_ Furlan thought to himself.

 

"But I guess I can't lose one of slaves, I only have two of them... at the moment at least." Levi mumbled.

  
"huh... I don't know why I still follow you." Furlan sighed, speaking under his breath.

 

"So, Levi, will you join the Survey Corps or should I end this man's young and fruitful life?" Coldly, Erwin spoke those words to Levi as he looked down at him, without the slightest change in his expression.

 

Levi felt an intense, burning rage build up inside him. Even now, he suppressed the desire to lash out at Erwin.

 

_'this blond rich kid, who looks like he is well-rasied. Throwing me, a demon down onto the filthy ground, Looking down at me like I'm some kind of worthless insect. How dare you insult me like this, How dare you lay a finger on my eternal slaves. I'll show you... just what kind of a demon I can be. I will make you regret crossing my path. Erwin Smith, make no doubt. By the end of this, I will rip out your internal organs and make you watch as I devour them.'_

Through gritted teeth, Levi forced out his answer.

 

"All right… I'll join your shitty Survey Corps…" Levi forced the words out of his mouth.

 

"Excellent, Let's get ourselves a drink to celebrate our union." Erwin suggested.


End file.
